Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
