This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
