Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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