i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
