I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
love makes seman taste better
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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