everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
