also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
