I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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