When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
