I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
