Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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