Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
