I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
