They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
