Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
