Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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