Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
