Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
