My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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