Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
