im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we're making bets on your personal life
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
