If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
