somebody snuck up and got me drunk
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
