Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
