You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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