I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
