The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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