He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
