are you still at the devil's house?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
