do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
