hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
