I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
