Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
