But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
