Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize