Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
