I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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