I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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