I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
