So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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