No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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