It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
