There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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