your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i don't like sucking hair
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
