Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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