You smell like a Billy Joel song
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
