would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
