Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize