I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
