A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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