Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
