Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
