just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
