Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize