He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Did you pee in the oven last night??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
