Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Randomize
