i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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