tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize