Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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