Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
