youre lurking in front of me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
