there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think I just sharted jello shots
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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