So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
