I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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