After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
