Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
