He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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