I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
